Viv,
There are so many things I want to tell you. I want to tell you the beauty of the sunrise on top of the Hawaiian Haleakala crater. I want you to see vineyards and rows of lemon trees in Italy. Taste paella in Spain. Bow your light in a temple, while a hundred robbed-masters chant. I want you to wake up on a misty San Francisco morning, and know you are ultimately loved. Walk in the scattered sunshine and the cool breeze to the Embarcadero. Let the wind race through your hair. I want you to buy organic sourdough baguettes with cheese and honey AND butter AND jam. I want you to pick your favorite bouquet of fresh flowers. Oh, to see the rows of picked flowers, and locate your favorite. I want you to have all the choices. I want you to drink a hot coffee while you eat your choices, and bask in the moment of being Vivian.
I want you to enter at least one museum and feel god in art. I want you to feel god in the temple of a lightning storm. Know thunder in a holy place. I want you to meet a person, any person you love, it doesn’t matter what color their skin is, what their gender is, just that you see Beauty in them — that they delight you. That you can see inside them the entirety of this life. That you feel honored and compelled to show up and love that life you see. The light they are, which reflects your light. That you feel inside, You can take a silent vow to nurture its brightness.
You must also love yourself Vivy. With this same vow. To this same degree and intensity that you love another. You must know you are worthy of that love you feel being reciprocated and shined back on you like the moon reveals the sun. You must know that deep love is already reciprocated. That I feel its largess for you (before you are even here). That the unseen forces of the universe feel it for you too, and that the romantic form it will take, is already on the way. YOU MUST BELIEVE IT (I must believe it) is on the way when it feels like it is not. You must believe I am helping you, because I am, and I always be will so long as there is a universe.
I want you to know things won’t go exactly the way you wanted, you can’t plan every detail, you can’t control the entirety of The Powerful Play. You will never live fully free of contrast on this earth (but as you live you will move toward this state, the same presence that grew you in the womb). I do believe there are masters who have lived free of contrast but don’t worry if you can’t, and don’t expect you will. Contrast is holy). You can always begin where you are, you can wet your toes in IT, and then sink your shins. You can wade waste deep into the force, let it rise to touch your breast bone, and flood over your shoulders. You can stand in radiance as the love washes over the crown of your head. Achieve the full knowing as you. Disappear into it.
There in that space you can make again, Vivian you can always make, again.
There are enough resources to fulfill it all. And even then, there is more. It’s never-ending what can happen and accrue and appear. Abundance expands proportional to desire. Don’t cut yourself off to the flow that is generative, giving life. If there is one, there are many. My dad always told me, “the world doesn’t lack resources, it lacks imagination of those resources.” Collaborate, commune, give. A flame loses nothing when lighting another flame. Only sparks.
Don’t look back too often, let the change come. Let it sweep you like a speck of pollen on a wild, sunlit river. I struggled with change for a long time. I struggled to let my massive desire live in lightness. Change and desire are always coming. If you’re looking at what IS (unwanted), more of (unwanted) will come and it won’t feel like change, but it is changing. Viv, look at what is coming like it has already come. A rose is a rose is a rose is a rose — is never the same rose, my dear.
Time. Let it change you. Let it change your opinions and (first) impressions. Meet your world IN FULL PRESENCE of the creative-unknown. Magic happens, now. Look with new eyes. Find whatever is in front of you with a new body. Open the present portal that is your heart. Give your everything to the moment. Every. Single. Moment. Keep your heart open (especially when you are hurt).
I want you to know you are a supreme Creator, with powerful talents born from your preferences, your desires, your experiences. I want you to be given the freedom and opportunity to learn about your brilliance, your magnificence as a maker. I don’t want anyone to tell you no, especially not yourself. If you can see it, you can dream it. If you can dream it, you can visualize it. If you can visualize it, you can emote it. And if you can emote it, you can energize it. And Viv, if you can energize it, it can cross the event horizon and become perceptible to your senses. It can be a tangible human thing. I want you to take that magnificence, that knowing, that ball of energetic light, and grow it, larger and larger until it shows you the Truth of who you are. Until you are like Oprah or Ghandi or Van Gogh or Whitman. Focus. When you find yourself in a mess, focus. Focus on what you want. Focus on where you’re going. Focus on the powerful nothing that brings it forth. Focus on the love I feel for you. Your ultimate worthiness, feel the confidence of that. I do. Go into the darkness where anything is possible. Create there.
Viv, I spent my life loving and learning about a thing we call we humans call poetry. It wasn’t that I loved any of it for reasons any different than why you will love what you will love. Anything you love can take you to the center of it all. Let your loving make you as you make it. Let the creation become you as it becomes. Become one with the larger (idea, thought, consciousness) that is doing the making. When we create we give ourselves to movement, physics, to dynamic energy, the same one in nature. Think of the blossoms Viv. Think of the trees. I can’t quite find the words. It’s natural. We give ourselves over to the stuff of galaxies. We give ourselves over to what made us.
I wanted to explore this. When I was young in my twenties, I asked what do you most want, and what I heard in the still-small voice of my heart, was to know the true nature of who I am, to be a powerful co-creator with source, one of the most powerful ones they ever walked. I wanted to get myself so out of the way that I could be a Buddha, a Jesus, a Mother Teresa, A Seer. But one of poetic light. A guide into that light. A harbinger of beauty. A healing force, you could say. As I write this letter to you that’s what I still want. Now, I want other things too. To fall in love with a powerful song, a riverdeep man and make a baby—you. A book (or 3) of poems on the shelf. A temple of muses. I desire to be a creator who can create anything, because of my sheer worthiness, because I have been to the holy temple of me. Because I have witnessed the stars and because I KNOW who I am what I come from. I am learning, but this I know, the guides will come & they will look very human.
Vivian you are a woman. When you visit me, I know. You are a being made from love, born into love, you are full of it. You are a woman. When an awake woman desires she wouldn’t desire something that isn’t for the benefit of all beings. Be unapologetic about what you want and stand in love — Trust in what you desire. The goddess sits and her creation is brought to her and moves through her. She stands and receives and radiates. Receive with the knowing that allowing yourself to receive blesses the one who is giving.
You can use sexual energy to heal yourself and others. You can use it to bathe the body in a vitality bath. You can use it to heal. You can use it to FREE. This is a key of the goddess. When human beings make a life we are in a certain frame of feeling, a spiritual state. We are in an expanded, mind-blown, let-go state. We are communing. This is a LIFE state. This is a primal state. We are evoking life. (Life is the root of your name). Evoke life. The power of a candle is the power of evocation. The action evokes the spirits, the help, the divine guidance. The lighting of the candle asks for the opening the channel. That’s why it feels so good to light and sit in candle light, and helps to bring the spirits in. My point. An awakened woman is a powerful force, she can evoke the light (higher consciousness) of a man >< (man-kind) >< (humankind).
Viv, be tremendously grateful. Life has such a undercurrent of depth, a sweeping flow of feeling, the unseen. I have felt this gratefulness fully, at least once a day. Some days a hundred times. I don’t know if I trained myself to feel it, or it can’t help but be felt. When the moment strikes, when you see the roadside sunflowers brilliantly yellow and thriving, and you feel the gratitude that they evoke, that is inspiration. I want you to know you are having a spiritual experience. I want you to know that you are receiving the love of your source. When you see the sunset in perfect shades of orange. When you taste the satisfying bitterness of tea or the sweetness of berries and you feel that gate into ethereal. When the hug lingers. When that human smiles. The mountain peeks out of the cloud. A wave dazzles. It is this moment of small, pleasure, that shows to you and reveals to you,YOU. That is the path of poetry– the revealing of Self.
Oh Viv, MOST OF ALL THIS, it’s not serious like you’ll think. It’s much easier than even I know right now on this day. I see a violinist now, I’m not sure why … he is in rapture as he plays. It shouldn’t be hard. It is a gift to create, a fun and happy gift. An expression of unique individuality expanding its essence. It is an embodiment of being, yes, the clarification of being being expanded. It isn’t hard because it isn’t you who must make it. What a pleasure to be the vehicle. It is a joy. A passage through the body. We make life serious, we fear we can get it wrong, that we can go under. Crash the ship. There is a thin veil, a degree of separation so slight that it shouldn’t be a worry to slip behind it. Form. It is our thoughts that make it hard. Our thoughts that over-focus on the physical form. Physical form can be revealed so easy. They laugh. It is not hard to make a butterfly. It is fun to make a butterfly. It only requires time and nothing. It can be anything you want it to be THAT IS THE FUN, that magic, that focusing of form is fun!
Imagine it. The people walking around with vortexes of light spiraling up from them. Can they let it in, what they have dreamed, can they relax and enjoy the game of wonder and play? Can they not slice themselves off into the thorns? Can you set yourself on the path of ease & beauty and walk it? What will be revealed behind door number #2 ? Is it a ghost or a Man?
I’m told now it’s more about entering the energy of play.
Vivian, accept you are a spirit (in a world that will try to “prove” or “argue” you are not).
Viv, when you dethrone the physical it becomes much easier to create. There is a happiness that comes with enlightenment, the enlightenment that is the form release. The loosening on the world. Lightness. The Buddha smiled the deepest smile. The knowing that all is in perfect order. When you finally know all is in perfect order, all is in perfect order. Don’t search for your soul, meet it. Meet your soul.
There are flawed, deep problems in what we think we know when we are bound to the physical world untethered by the spiritual world… it is just a sliver silver. And it is beautiful silver, a cat in the sun. It’s shiny coat and magnificent whiskers… I love that cat as it closes its eyes to meditate (close the eyes and open the mouth— Levertov wrote).
Viv, final wish, be free & empty with your thoughts.
I saw a piece of sushi. It was sushi, but it was full of love and it sparkled. It was nothing. And I was nothing. And I ate the nothing. And I was happy Viv. It was such a magnificent game. I had no thoughts about the sushi, I didn’t believe it was full of mercury. Or unsustainably sourced. I didn’t believe anything was wrong with it. I had relinquished, It was sparkling nothing. It was tasty and fun to eat. I looked at my skin in the mirror. It was transparent and felt like the sky. A coating of nothing. I closed my eyes and imagined it, I could see the black where something was stuck in the nothing. I asked it to be removed. I asked how it could be removed. I went to the window, the cat was sunbathing there. I looked at the cat with eyes of love, I had never loved the cat more and I put my head by it to whisper and the cat licked my third eye. What was this, why are we here? To experience.
To expand.
I know we are here to experience, ourselves “God” experiencing itself. Expanding itself. God knowing itself. I think so. That is how I will know you.
I love you Vivian,
Until we meet,
Mom
Ps. REALLY READ one book of poetry in its entirety. Spend your whole life with it. Let the book choose you.
